Take me or leave me

Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear people say 'baby' so sweet
Ever since puberty,
Everybody stares at me
Boys - girls,
I can't help it baby
So be kind, and don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me or leave me

A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby, let's have fun.
You are the one I choose
Folks would kill to fill your shoes
You love the lime light too, now baby,
So be mine and don't waste my time cryin'
'Honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?'

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me

No way, can I be what I'm not
But hey, don't you want your girl hot?
Oh, don't fight, don't lose your head
'Cause every night who's in your bed?
Who?
Who's in your bed?


People aren't one flavor. Every single person is a variety pack, and you can't just pick the ones you want or like. There is good and bad to everyone and the key is finding someone who you love all aspects to. Maybe they have an annoying tic, but you find it endearing.
I know I'm a hard person to swallow sometimes. While yes, I am a very loving, caring, trusting person. I'm completely open and have my heart on my sleeve, I give second chances like candy to kids on Halloween. I always try to see the better side of things and I hardly ever hold a grudge against anyone no matter what. But I'm also stubborn as molasses sometimes. I feel strongly about certain things and if those lines get crossed I will tell you exactly what is on my mind. I'm honest to the point of brutality occasionally. I don't like fake people and I usually hardly hesitate before calling someone on their bullshit. It's been known to make people dislike me immensely. I also am pretty confident in who I am which makes others want to break me down. But I don't let them. I can't be anything other than what and who I am.
Take me baby, or leave me.

Question of the day

Is it really that bad, that unreasonable to want to be loved?

Just a thought.

Bolded

"What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do"
- Cascada, What Hurts The Most


I'm okay.

You

Two months ago today you texted me good bye. Six months ago today you stunned me with a rose and a question. The four months in between changed me.

Thank you.

Remember

Feeling better

I think because yesterday I hung out with Justin and fell into the past, today I decided to focus on the future. Anna and I have been talking. We've decided we're moving out within two ish years. Getting an apartment together in Seattle, or at least Shoreline. We're getting kittens. This summer we are going to California, and Folklife, and the beach, and Bumbershoot. And... I'm feeling really good right now. Really optimistic about the future. Tomorrow I'm going job hunting, and I am going to try my damnedest to get a job within the next three weeks. Also, in preparation for this summer, I'm going to work out daily starting today. I just finished up for today and I feel amazing. Endorphins are a friend of mine, and if I do a little bit every day it can make a big difference, I know that much.

Everything will be okay in the end. I have faith that with good people in my life, a positive outlook, and just a touch of luck I'll make it just fine.

Letter to the broken hearts.

I've now typed out five beginnings to this post and then promptly deleted them. I don't know what I want to write about right now. I don't know how I'm feeling. I have a few thousand thoughts fluttering around in my mind, and sorting them out just seems impossible. Maybe a letter, a love letter to... Anyone who is down.

Broken hearts,
You are down, beaten and broken and bruised beyond belief. But do not give up, ever. Know when to walk away, yes. Know when enough is enough, yes. But never let go of hope. There is someone out there worth the time, and the struggle, and the tears and the pain. They're going to be amazing. They'll lift you to new heights, make you smile bigger smiles than you knew your face was capable of. You'll feel like a fool smiling like you will, but in you're eyes you will be nothing but the beautiful human being you are. And when you find it, I have to believe we just know. It might not be realized right away, but you will. And it'll knock you on your feet and take your breath away and you will never ever forget. And that single moment, the few times it happens in your life, will make all the rest of it worth while. I once had my breath taken away, time stopped for what could have been an eternity, and nothing else mattered but that single second in time. Once. And whenever I want to quit, whenever my faith in humanity is gone, I remember that moment. How everything was perfect... His smile, how he smelled, the way he looked into my eyes under the stars and our lips met for one brief moment. If moments like that exist in the world, the rest of it is worth enduring. We all clearly want to enjoy our whole life, but when things get rough do not discredit the moments. You are beautiful. You are strong. There is good in this world. You can make it through it all. Just... Believe. As hard as it can be, I always believe. And never forget, someone always loves you. Always.
Camille Ariel Rose

Two rants.

What is it about having a penis that makes males think they're superior? I'm truly curious.
Maybe it's just me, but I am slightly appalled when I have a guy assuming that I'll have sex with him because... I don't know why he thought so. Because I owe it to him supposedly. How on earth would one get that debt? Sorry I wear low cut shirts and you like my eyes, I'll make it up to you by having sex with you? I think not. I don't owe you a damn thing for being myself, and you thinking you're so entitled is sickening. Get over yourself.

I know everyone says it a few hundred times, but I think I am done trying to get other people's approval. I naturally have huge, curly, poofy hair. For years I have either straightened it or pulled it into a ponytail or bun because I hated it. But, why do I try so hard? Whoever said having naturally poofy hair was a bad thing? And for years I have had the never ending battle with my body in the mirror. I'm not skinny; My collarbones don't stick out and you can't put your hands around my waist. I have curves. Real curves. And I'm done apologizing for it. I love my body, and I'm done worrying about if you do to. If you don't, fuck you. And if you bitch about it, get out of my life.
I want to look good for me, not someone else. I'm done putting in an hour of work to flatten my hair and paint my face up like some girls do. If I'm putting in time, I want to look how I want to look, not how you think I should look. If a guy notices me, and likes me when I look how I want to be, he's a keeper. I'm not going to change my appearance to find mister right, because if he's making me change... That mister right would be so wrong.

Museum of Idiots.

They built this whole neighborhood
Out of wood, out of wood
I guess I'll still be around
When they burn, burn it down
I will be standing around when they burn it down
Here in the museum of idiots

Honey, I'm there when you need me
Please believe me, please believe me
I'll still be right where you left me
If you manage to forget me
Where we met is where you may forget
Here in the museum of idiots

If you and I had any brains
We wouldn't be in this place

Chop me up into pieces
If it pleases, if it pleases
And when the chopping is through
Every piece will say "I love you"
Every piece of me will say "I love you"
Here in the museum of idiots

Every piece of me will say "I love you, you, you"
Here in the museum of idiots

-They Might Be Giants

Phlog.

http://phlog.net/camillearielrose

Mending.

How long does it really take to mend a broken heart? I guess I've been through this before... It took me over a year to let go of Dom and Quinton, and I still haven't truly 100% let go of Cody. I guess it shouldn't surprise me at all. My heart on my sleeve, out ready for the taking. But it has caught me completely off guard. I feel like, like I'm just trying to figure out who I'm supposed to be after all of this. Travis has left a mark on me, changed me forever, changed the paths I'll take and the options I'll pick for the rest of my life. But I'm still the same old Camille I was before him, and in the beginning. Happy, relatively carefree, occasionally a sunshine person. He made me feel like I need to toughen my heart, but I bet I'll melt back into the good, old fashioned, happy, sappy Camille. One of these days maybe someone will sweep me off my feet, and actually be there to catch me as I go stumbling to the ground. Maybe.

Mid Morning thoughts.

This afternoon I am going on a date. An actual, real, he pays for everything date. Is it weird I am slightly terrified? I know I'm probably going to have a good time, for all I know an amazing time. He really seems to have his shit in order. But I've never actually gone on a real date. Out to dinner, sure. Prom, did it. But just a date for no other reason than that he really wants to take me out, never. I guess I'm kind of worried that I won't live up to his expectations about what I'll be, but I can't sweat it. I am what I am, and I hope he can handle that.

On an unrelated note, I wish people were more compassionate.
And I have decided to do a picture a day on a phlog. Link will be posted later.