The Call by Regina Spektor. What a beautiful song. The first time I ever heard it was when it was featured at the end of the Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian and it moved me to tears then. Occasionally it still does. So strong and real, and so... Just simple and beautiful. It's the story of life. I love it so.
Four nights ago I had a dream. Two nights ago that dream happened again. And that stupid dream hashed up feelings I thought I had moved beyond. Apparently I haven't moved beyond them though, unfortunately. Though, being completely honest with myself I don't think I ever had completely moved on. The feeling were just burried, and I was lying to myself instead of dealing with things. Once upon a time things were simple, but they just... Aren't anymore. Nothing is simple anymore. Everything has a back story, everyone has a history, everything is intertwined, and everyone is already wounded and hesistant and on guard and scared. Even when you're completely honest people wonder what your alternative motives are. Sometimes I just want to roll back the clock and take in the simple times, but it's not possible. And it's not really what I would want anyways. I just wish he would talk to me. Nothing else, nothing shifty, not me gunning for his heart, nothing of that sort. I just want to talk to him. He was my best friend for so many years, he was my rock and my other half and my constant, and we are not on bad terms now necessarily, but we're hardly friends. We're more simple acquaintances. It breaks my heart in a way, the heart which I've come to realize he will always have a hold on. In one way or another. Dear... Whoever, just help me stay strong. I haven't put my life on hold for him, never have and please never let me do that. Let me keep myself, even if I'm having emotionally slippery days. I know I will be okay.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Maybe a habit in the making?
Right now I'm listening to Orange Colored Sky. What an amazing song, thank you Jackson Jazz Choir for turning me onto it. And Sarah did a completely amazing job singing it at the concert, if I may say so myself. Now I'm considering it for my solo for Jobie Weekend next year.
Today I did the Big Climb in Seattle with Nikko and Sean. I conquered the Columbia Tower. Fuck yeah! And (as of right now at least) I'm not even feeling that bad. I do realize however that I might be aching insane amounts tomorrow. I, however, do not care in the slightest. It was an amazing view at the top, and totally and completely worth it. Next year I will definately be training for it though. And I have also decided to start running and biking and swimming more, getting into better shape in general and training so I can do a sprint distance triathlon. I'm now setting goals that are totally reachable, and will help me along with my other goals at the same time. Go me?
Today I did the Big Climb in Seattle with Nikko and Sean. I conquered the Columbia Tower. Fuck yeah! And (as of right now at least) I'm not even feeling that bad. I do realize however that I might be aching insane amounts tomorrow. I, however, do not care in the slightest. It was an amazing view at the top, and totally and completely worth it. Next year I will definately be training for it though. And I have also decided to start running and biking and swimming more, getting into better shape in general and training so I can do a sprint distance triathlon. I'm now setting goals that are totally reachable, and will help me along with my other goals at the same time. Go me?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Once again.
I'm starting this post with my music of choice right now. I'm listening to Almost Alice, the soundtrack to Alice in Wonderland. This soundtrack is so wonderful. Lots of good artists, lots of well done songs, and all of them relating to the story or it's themes without being all stupid, crazy, over the top about it.
This last week has been a little bit of swinging. I was in a wonderful place until Monday. A gorgous day spent inside watching hours of movies and then a bit of heart wretching by the guy I liked. But after Tuesday I got over it. I spent Tuesday with my family, and then hung with a few friends (and many of their friends) that night. Wednesday was a delightful lazy day, and then today was more time spent helping the family and then a choir concert. It was the joint one with the middle schools and high school, and I got to support my brother on top of seeing a handful of my friends. Mainly Anna. God, I think I didn't realize how much I missed that girl until I saw her smile beaming down and her frantic waving from the stage when I showed up. She is seriously the ying to my yang or something along those lines. I'm now going to make a point of talking to her more and hanging out with her more. It was also awesome to see Erik. He's such a bundle of sunshine and I really have missed him a ton too.
Last night I was talking to Alex online, and it was really a wonderful conversation. Even though Cody is kindof a douchebag and has apparently decided to remove himself from my life for a while, I'm glad I was close to Cody when I was. If not for me and Cody being close in elementary school days I wouldn't have developed the friendship I have with Alex, and I honestly think Alex is one who will last. We might not talk very often, and we might hardly ever hang out, but I know that if it came down to it he would be there for me through thick and thin. He told me he thinks of me like a sister. It was just really a wonderful surprise to find out I have more friends, wonderful friends, than I realized.
This last week has been a little bit of swinging. I was in a wonderful place until Monday. A gorgous day spent inside watching hours of movies and then a bit of heart wretching by the guy I liked. But after Tuesday I got over it. I spent Tuesday with my family, and then hung with a few friends (and many of their friends) that night. Wednesday was a delightful lazy day, and then today was more time spent helping the family and then a choir concert. It was the joint one with the middle schools and high school, and I got to support my brother on top of seeing a handful of my friends. Mainly Anna. God, I think I didn't realize how much I missed that girl until I saw her smile beaming down and her frantic waving from the stage when I showed up. She is seriously the ying to my yang or something along those lines. I'm now going to make a point of talking to her more and hanging out with her more. It was also awesome to see Erik. He's such a bundle of sunshine and I really have missed him a ton too.
Last night I was talking to Alex online, and it was really a wonderful conversation. Even though Cody is kindof a douchebag and has apparently decided to remove himself from my life for a while, I'm glad I was close to Cody when I was. If not for me and Cody being close in elementary school days I wouldn't have developed the friendship I have with Alex, and I honestly think Alex is one who will last. We might not talk very often, and we might hardly ever hang out, but I know that if it came down to it he would be there for me through thick and thin. He told me he thinks of me like a sister. It was just really a wonderful surprise to find out I have more friends, wonderful friends, than I realized.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Truthfully.
Truthfully by Lisa Loeb is a wonderful song, and her whole Firecracker album is fantastic in fact. I'm sitting here listening to it and just thinking to myself, "I really like this music. It's a little bit unfortunate that so few people seem to know of her and her music."
Anyways though, today was a good day, as was yesterday and the day before that. And, fuck it, this whole week since I got home from Jobie Weekend has been pretty damn good. Tuesday I went and saw Dear John with Darcy, which I really enjoyed. It was a sweet movie and spending time with Darcy was really nice. She's always been a sweet girl who has had to deal with way too much shit, and we really got pretty close through the times we saw each other at masonic family events and through texting and Facebook. Chilling with her in person and outside of the little bubble of Jobies was a nice and much needed change. On Monday I hung out at the apartment with Nathan, Dash, and Kara. Also there was Dash's coworker (who's name I can't remember for the life of me), Boldi, and Brandon. I was completely caught off guard to see Boldi and Brandon there, so it was a nice little surprise. I worked on Wednesday, which was painfully slow. But my cart station was right next to Debbie (who is insanely loud and peppy) so we spent the greater portion of the day making each other laugh. What with her random comments and faces and my random dance moves it turned out to be a fairly entertaining day. And that day I also asked Brandon if he'd want to get coffee sometime. He said yes, picked a day and time, and that was that. A very nice little pep for my step. Thursday was a pretty low key day. I went and did Costco shopping with my dad when he got home from work and I deposited my check from work, and then I went and visited Mike in the hospital. He was clearly down, but after I left he said that me coming had helped cheer him up some. And then this morning I woke up early (for me at least), made myself cute, and walked down to the Starbucks to meet Brandon for coffee. We talked for, around an hour, maybe just short of an hour, and then he gave me a ride home. Did the rest of the grocery shopping with my family when my dad got home from work, and then proceded to be lazy and lounge around the house the rest of the day. It's been nice though. A lazy day every once in a while can be good.
Anyways though, today was a good day, as was yesterday and the day before that. And, fuck it, this whole week since I got home from Jobie Weekend has been pretty damn good. Tuesday I went and saw Dear John with Darcy, which I really enjoyed. It was a sweet movie and spending time with Darcy was really nice. She's always been a sweet girl who has had to deal with way too much shit, and we really got pretty close through the times we saw each other at masonic family events and through texting and Facebook. Chilling with her in person and outside of the little bubble of Jobies was a nice and much needed change. On Monday I hung out at the apartment with Nathan, Dash, and Kara. Also there was Dash's coworker (who's name I can't remember for the life of me), Boldi, and Brandon. I was completely caught off guard to see Boldi and Brandon there, so it was a nice little surprise. I worked on Wednesday, which was painfully slow. But my cart station was right next to Debbie (who is insanely loud and peppy) so we spent the greater portion of the day making each other laugh. What with her random comments and faces and my random dance moves it turned out to be a fairly entertaining day. And that day I also asked Brandon if he'd want to get coffee sometime. He said yes, picked a day and time, and that was that. A very nice little pep for my step. Thursday was a pretty low key day. I went and did Costco shopping with my dad when he got home from work and I deposited my check from work, and then I went and visited Mike in the hospital. He was clearly down, but after I left he said that me coming had helped cheer him up some. And then this morning I woke up early (for me at least), made myself cute, and walked down to the Starbucks to meet Brandon for coffee. We talked for, around an hour, maybe just short of an hour, and then he gave me a ride home. Did the rest of the grocery shopping with my family when my dad got home from work, and then proceded to be lazy and lounge around the house the rest of the day. It's been nice though. A lazy day every once in a while can be good.
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