The Call by Regina Spektor. What a beautiful song. The first time I ever heard it was when it was featured at the end of the Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian and it moved me to tears then. Occasionally it still does. So strong and real, and so... Just simple and beautiful. It's the story of life. I love it so.
Four nights ago I had a dream. Two nights ago that dream happened again. And that stupid dream hashed up feelings I thought I had moved beyond. Apparently I haven't moved beyond them though, unfortunately. Though, being completely honest with myself I don't think I ever had completely moved on. The feeling were just burried, and I was lying to myself instead of dealing with things. Once upon a time things were simple, but they just... Aren't anymore. Nothing is simple anymore. Everything has a back story, everyone has a history, everything is intertwined, and everyone is already wounded and hesistant and on guard and scared. Even when you're completely honest people wonder what your alternative motives are. Sometimes I just want to roll back the clock and take in the simple times, but it's not possible. And it's not really what I would want anyways. I just wish he would talk to me. Nothing else, nothing shifty, not me gunning for his heart, nothing of that sort. I just want to talk to him. He was my best friend for so many years, he was my rock and my other half and my constant, and we are not on bad terms now necessarily, but we're hardly friends. We're more simple acquaintances. It breaks my heart in a way, the heart which I've come to realize he will always have a hold on. In one way or another. Dear... Whoever, just help me stay strong. I haven't put my life on hold for him, never have and please never let me do that. Let me keep myself, even if I'm having emotionally slippery days. I know I will be okay.
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