Moment

I am so in love with my life, with my slice of this world. Our home. Planet Earth. I can't help but be overwhelmed with the beauty and the love in my life.

Return

It's been a week since I returned to my life from California. Something happened down there, I swear it. I'm viewing things through different eyes and something has changed in my core. In the past (even recent past) I had to force myself to focus on the good, to find some beauty in everything. But now I see beauty everywhere I look and in everyone I interact with. The faces I gaze upon are more lovely, the songs I hear are more harmonious, and every smile or laugh around me makes me do the same.
I came home to heartache, news that Paul wasn't who I though he was this whole time. News he had moved forward in his relationships without bothering to tell me at all. I really wasn't that upset by it though. He was a fool in the end and I move on without much loss.
I have an absurd amount to write about right now, and it's not flowing smoothly like I wish it would. I pause for now. More will come later.

Scenery

Well this is odd, sitting at a computer in a library in Cali at a school I don't go to and a place I've never been before. Usually I'm writing from my desk at home in Washington, all comfy and cozy and in my slice of this world. But today I write from Cal Poly. This is really what I've needed after the last stressful week, even though now thinking about it most of the stress came from the fact that I was leaving for this trip... Still. So much silence from someone you care about so deeply fucking sucks. It'll be odd to see how things are when I get back. If he is legitimately out of my life I'll probably be significantly upset, however I know I'll be fine. I'll find someone else, and I am not doomed to wander the face of this planet alone for all eternity.
I am so glad things aren't weird, being here and all. Andrew and I have talked for over two years now, crazy as that is to think about, and I think that's what makes it so easy. We seriously interact exactly like we do on Skype or on the phone, only there is nothing in between us. I can tell it catches him off guard too, and I know being around me for real is weird for him. Sometimes when he looks at me I can tell he is freaking out. Especially when I smile. He freaks out. I was mildly concerned coming down that it would be odd, or uncomfortable, or just downright strange actually physically being around each other, but it's not. Thank goodness for that.

That's all folks.

Sort Of

Baby you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby you've got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love's too big for you my love

Baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Baby you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Tell me what to do to take away the you?

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no.
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

- Ingrid Michaelson

As it should